I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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