if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
The air was thick with penises
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
