What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
