just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Randomize
