i just wanna soil my oats bro
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
