the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
