lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
