i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
