You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
