youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I'm always down for nudity.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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