your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Randomize
