by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
