Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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