please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
