The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
