It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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