jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
So apparently I’m into choking now
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