I think my vagina is haunted
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
