No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
