I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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