bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
