I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
