I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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