I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
