apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
