Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize