His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
