May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
