Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
