Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
