You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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