haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
dude. I can hear the air.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize