I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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