I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize