seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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