I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
