Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
