She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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