absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
