So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
