I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
