What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
