I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
