I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You were trust falling into bushes
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
