I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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