May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
