last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
