there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
