there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
