I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Randomize
