OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
