the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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