I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
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