Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize