I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He keeps bees of course he's weird
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
