1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
