We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
