is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
