Are we in a gay sports bar?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
it glows. i had to have it.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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