Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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