they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
