I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
