Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
